So here is a common e-mail I receive from Google and Facebook: “Your ad has been disapproved due to illicit sexual content.”
These are ads for couples’ retreats where you deepen your intimacy and love. These are ads for online courses in intimacy, tantra, and sacred sexuality – on how to truly make love to each other. And there might be a picture of a couple looking at each other like they wanted to kiss. Not exactly the stuff of scandals. So what’s going on?
The reality is that Google and Facebook are the giants of the online world. And they are making statistically-informed decisions based on what is acceptable, digestible, and inoffensive to their consumers – the greatest percentage of the general public.
So what can we learn about the basic beliefs of our society from this? If these guys are operating under the assumption that certain things are generally offensive, what does this tell us about what a large percentage of our society really believes?
1) Sex Is Scary
We don’t want to talk about sex. We don’t want to see anything that might lead to sex. We don’t want our children to hear about sex. Sex is bad. Now I know that there is a segment of society that is very liberal and pro-sex. But on a very basic level, we are still repressing sexuality. We don’t know how to talk about it in a way that doesn’t make us nervous and stare at our feet. We’d really rather just keep it “under the covers.”
2) We Don’t Connect Love With Sex
What? Of course we do!! Really? If we believed that having a more sexual life is connected to having more love in our lives, then wouldn’t we want to talk about sex MORE? Wouldn’t we want more sex everywhere? If we TRULY connected love and sexuality, then we would be all about opening up our sexual channels and just letting them flow, because then more love would flow!! Right??
3) Maybe Our Sex Isn’t About Love
So this is the problem. Our basic sexuality is based on procreation. We aren’t taught anything as young people, so we default to our primal instincts of how to make babies. We all know this basic pattern. Two people are attracted, he gets hard, she gets wet, he gets in, orgasm, and done. (If we’re lucky, we figure out some pleasures along the way, but essentially those are the bones of it.) But is this about love? Not really. You might love the other person, but the physical act itself really has nothing to do with love. It’s just primal attraction and then release.
4) We Don’t Know What A Loving Connection Is
We are capable of such phenomenal connection. Love truly is such a powerful attractor. But we have mixed love up with promises, in-laws, parenting, and taking out the garbage. And we’ve forgotten what real love feels like. We’ve forgotten the magic of attraction and chemistry. And we think it’s normal to lose it “after the honeymoon ends.”
5) We’ve Never Learned What Our True Loving Potential Is
The magic of tantra is that it teaches us what is possible when we set aside all of our “stuff” and we truly allow ourselves to connect with another person with our purest, deepest, most spiritual selves. It teaches us about the incredible gift that it is to truly connect with another human being and the magic that can occur when we do it.
So What Else Could We Believe?
1) Sex Is Healthy, Wonderful, and Life-giving
Sexual energy is all around us. Sexual energy is there when flowers are being pollinated, babies are born, creativity thrives, and hearts are pounding. Sexual energy is life energy, it’s not just about hormones. It’s about whatever it is that makes us feel alive and renewed. It’s what makes us want to try new things and be creative. It’s about whatever puts a spring in our step and makes us happy that we were allowed another day on this amazing planet.
2) Human Beings Are Made For Love
We are all made to love. We thrive when we have loving connections, whether they are with close friends, children, lovers, or family. And parts of us shrivel up when we are left alone for too long. Love is what we share with each other. We LOVE when we get to love someone else (just ask any grandparent about adoring their grandchildren, or someone who is newly in passionate love). We love BEING loved by another. Giving and receiving love nourishes us as deeply as good food and sunshine.
3) Sex Is A Beautifully Intimate Way To Share This Love
We were designed to enjoy sex so that we would procreate and continue having more little humans. But this is just a taste of what is actually possible. This amazing love that we speak of is tangible energy. (We know this because we can feel it when it’s there. And we can sure feel it when it’s gone.) To share this loving energy is absolutely magical, ecstatic, and healing. And how do we share it? With every ounce of our being… mentally, emotionally, spiritually and yes, physically. The largest sensory organ on our bodies is our skin. It is capable of phenomenal pleasure and delight. So to bring this amazing love and share it with another in the most pleasurable way? Yes, this is incredibly loving and wonderful.
4) The Loving Connection Is Everything
The greatest conduit for this love and pleasure is through the connection between two people. This is where the energy flows. Therefore, creating a clear, loving pathway between you allows the maximum love, energy, and pleasure to flow. Of course, this is our greatest challenge, because we aren’t taught how to be always loving, kind, and safe with each other and so the energy doesn’t flow. The issues of our life flow into the bedroom because this is the nature of the connection. But we can heal that. We can make it clear again, we just have to believe that it matters. That it is actually the core of our relationship. That it is how the love flows.
5) We Have Incredible Loving Potential
Tantra teaches us that in spirit there is unity, and in that unity, there is incredible bliss. But in the physical world, we are separate. We are each separate, different beings. But we are designed to join together; we are designed to fuse. And when we fuse together, we have unity. And where there’s unity, there’s bliss.
This can mean a loving connection between parent and child. This can be the bond between siblings. This can be a deep, trusting relationship between friends. But what is possible between two lovers is out of this world!! Add chemistry to love and intimacy? This is where we experience the fireworks. This is where the magic happens. This is where we experience the Love, Ecstasy, and mind-blowing Joy that we all know we’re capable of.